siblings Posts

The Vampire Tree

Once upon a time, a woman who was reasonably attractive on the outside but not on the inside married a man with a pretty little son. She soon grew jealous of the boy’s fair complexion and fantastic hair, and began to worry that her own little daughter would stand no chance of garnering attention at family gatherings. She made it her mission, therefore, to make certain that it would be her own daughter, and not her pretty stepson, who one day inherited her husband’s collection of fishing rods autographed by various neighbors.

She found herself angry at the boy for no reason at all most of the time, and often had to remind herself that she couldn’t give him extra chores or take away his dinner for no reason at all. When her husband was around, anyway.

But one day, as she stood in the kitchen with a frying pan in her hand, the little boy walked by,  his perfect hair standing up as if by its own accord, and she became so angry she hit him on the back of his head.

He instantly fell down dead.

Not knowing what else to do, she propped him up in a chair by the television and put sunglasses over his eyes.

However, later, her little daughter, who got on quite well with the boy, complained that he was being weird and wouldn’t play. Her mother told her to give him a push, and the girl returned only moments later, crying that she had killed her own poor brother.

Jumping immediately into action, she instructed her daughter to bury the boy outside and assured her she would make up a story to tell the boy’s father. But even after the grave was dug and covered, and even after the boy’s father was thoroughly convinced that his son had left his family to sell soap animals door to door, the little girl still cried about her brother.

After dinner, she went out to the tree he was buried underneath, and left her favorite doll on his grave.

As she watched, her brother emerged from the ground, prettier than ever and looking very pleased with himself. When he smiled, two sharp fangs stuck out from his mouth. He thanked his sister, and went off into the night in search of fine young ladies to court.

He rescued one young lady from a terrible rainstorm, but after he’d delivered ongoing professions of eternal love and devotion, she gave him the beautiful earrings she was wearing, if only he would go away.

He watched one young woman sleep in her room, and when she awoke, promised to be with her for the rest of her life, but she offered him an antique vase sitting on her dresser if he would promise never to watch her sleep again.

He romanced one young woman at the edge of a cliff, promising her she’d never have to walk or drive anywhere again, and she gave him her best fishing rod so that he would kindly walk away from her.

So he returned home, with gifts in hand, but he looked so otherwordly and eerie that his father refused to let him in, even after he presented him with the fishing rod. Luckily, his sister still loved him quite a lot, and she invited him in immediately, thanking him for the earrings and the vase.

Once he was inside the house, he killed his stepmother and drank her blood.

The End.

Source: The Juniper Tree, Brothers Grimm

With a Big Fluffy Tail

Once upon a time, a girl and her brother lived with their stepmother, who was not at all nice to them. She would call them names and stick her tongue out at them, and sometimes even give them noogies.

Once they got a little older, they decided they had had enough and ran away from home, bringing with them only what they could carry. They left in the night, while their stepmother snored and muttered something about donkeys in her sleep.

After a long night and long day of traveling, the two became tired and thirsty. But at the first stream they discovered, a fish wearing glasses popped out and said quite clearly:

“Don’t drink the water. It will give you a big fluffy tail, like a squirrel!”

So the girl pulled back, but her brother drank deeply. When he stood up, he did indeed have a big fluffy tail, just like a squirrel. He had a hard time controlling it at first, and it kept brushing against his sister’s face, making her sneeze.

After a while, it got so bad, they had to stop so she could sit down and blow her nose repeatedly, and her brother resolved to get her some water. So he went off to get some, and while he was gone, a friendly chipmunk hopped over and told her,

“Don’t you drink that water! It will turn you into a kangaroo!”

She told her brother immediately when he returned, but he only shrugged and then drank the water himself.

And turned into a kangaroo.

With a big fluffy squirrel tail.

He asked if she wanted to ride some of the way in his pouch, but she declined.

Finally, they came to a little house with a stream running next to it. There didn’t seem to be anyone there, but for a bird who sat in the tree just outside.

“Don’t drink the water,” the bird said. “It will turn you into a llama. The tap water inside is just fine, though.”

The girl turned to tell her brother, but he was already drinking the water from the stream. When he came up for air, he did indeed have the head of a llama. With the body of a kangaroo, and a big fluffy squirrel tail.

“There’s good water inside, you know,” she said. Her brother just shrugged, and hopped into the house.

For a while, they were actually pretty happy. It was a nice house, in a nice little area, with a faucet and a stocked fridge. Every day they went for walks, and watched animals who drank from the stream turn into llamas.

But one day, the house’s owner came home. The girl and her brother fled into the woods, and watched as their home was taken back by a man with the head of a llama, and his dog with the head of a llama. Every day, though, when the man and his dog went for a walk, the brother sneaked back in and came out with food.

Except one day, the man saw him. He watched from just outside as a kangaroo with the head of a llama and tail of a squirrel sneaked into the house, removed a loaf of bread and some turkey, and hopped back into the woods. He watched as the creature stopped and set out the food for the prettiest girl he had ever seen, and then ate his out of a little bowl.

He watched a few more times, but one day went over to talk to them. He explained that he was really a king, but he was so embarrassed at having been turned into a llama that he hid out in the woods. He asked the girl to marry him.

At first, she was conflicted. She didn’t know if she believed his royal claim. And, even if he was really a king, did she really want to marry something with a llama’s head? But she did love the house, and besides, her own brother had the head of a llama now, and she couldn’t very well discriminate against others of his kind.

So she agreed, with the stipulation that her brother was able to stay with them as well.

“That’s just fine,” the king said. “My sister needs to stay with us as well.”

Next to him, the dog nodded.

The End. For now…

Source: Brother and Sister, Brothers Grimm

The Banana Princess, Part Two

Once upon a time there was a handsome prince, the very same handsome prince who had traveled over the mountain in search of the famed Banana Princess, and had in fact won her hand in marriage.

However, after the wedding, he did not proclaim the news across the kingdom. Here’s why:

Although his father was a nice enough fellow, his mother was a shark. Literally, a shark. She lived in a tank outside their palace. The prince never fully understood how his father had come to marry a shark, (except that it had something to do with money and some suspect pictures), or, indeed, how their union had produced himself, the prince.

In any event, the Queen the shark was nearly always hungry, and the prince had noticed a gleam in her eyes whenever lovely young women or little children walked by. So he resolved to never let her know about his wife or the children they were sure to have.

Until, years later, when his father the King died in battle. Now in possession of the kingdom, the prince was blessed with an unfounded sense of security, and told everyone about his family. He was called into battle himself soon after, and arranged to have his Queen and their children (called, in a rather confusing way, Horse and Pony) moved into the palace so his mother could keep an eye on them from her tank.

The very day he left, Horse visited her grandmother in her tank. She ran around the edges for some time before tripping over a strategically placed bottle of ketchup and falling into the tank.

When she did not return that evening, Pony went out to look for her. When he could not find her outside, he crawled up the side of the tank to ask his grandmother if she had seen his sister. However, before he could even get the words out, he tripped over some lemon wedges and fell into the tank himself.

Now, the Queen the shark knew it would only be a matter of time before the children’s mother came looking for them. But she couldn’t wait. What had the two children been but an appetizer? She’d hardly had to chew either of them.

So she sent her favorite clerk into the palace, with orders to kill the new Queen and bring her to the tank. When he returned with a plate of cooked venison, she was almost fooled. Until she heard the new Queen’s great honking laugh from inside the palace. She demanded the Queen be brought before her, and almost immediately, it was so. The girl crawled up to the top of the tank ,precariously balanced next to the caramel she’d set aside for the occasion.

She took a step towards it and then…cartwheeled over the mess and onto the other side. The trap had been foiled! To make matters worse, she then flung her long hair into the tank, and lassoed the Queen’s body. Immediately, the shark felt herself retch and up came the two little children! They were dazed and smelled of ketchup, lemons, and fish, but otherwise looking quite well off.

When the King returned, he was rather sad to hear of the stomach troubles his mother was experiencing, as a result of having her snacks lassoed out of her, but did think she’d sort of brought it on herself.

The End.

Source: Sleeping Beauty, Charles Perrault