Once upon a time, two ravens sat in a tree. Somewhere below them, a man lay stretched out in the grass.
They were pretty sure he was dead.
They were pretty sure they wanted to eat him.
And so they went through the usual checklist. Was he dead? Seemed so. Edible? Clearly. Would anyone come looking for him? If the behavior of his horse (ran away), cart (got eaten by termites), and ladyfriend (took up with the butcher, theysuspected) were any indication, then no.
And so they began their descent, and once landed, proceeded to nibble softly on the body.
That’s when the screaming started.
The man’s lips didn’t move, but a terrible wail began to issue from him, and then one of the ravens screamed, and then the other raven screamed, and after they had all been screaming for some time and were beginning to draw the attention of nearby goats, the ravens realized something.
The voice of the first scream had been very, very familiar.
“Arthur!”
A third raven wriggled out from the body, which they could now see clearly was made entirely of plastic. This raven was grinning as far and wide as a raven could grin.
“You suck, Arthur.”
“Yeah.”
The End.
Source: Twa Corbies, Traditional Ballad
