However, all of this changed when he looked across the field and saw…the sheep of his dreams. Now, before this moment, he wasn’t really aware that he was attracted to sheep, or really even that sheep existed, for that matter. But as soon as he saw this particular sheep, he knew that nothing could stand in the way of their true love.

However, when he approached the lovely sheep and explained his feelings, she turned him down. She had other plans, she explained, involving the bear who was currently roaming the countryside off to the left.  She knew the stories, she said, and she knew that once they were married he would come to bed and turn into a human as long as she didn’t tell anyone the secret.

The alien went away very sad, but some time later, he came back to seek out the little sheep. He was delighted to find her without the bear husband.

“He was really just a bear,” she explained. “Not a human. But I have another plan.”

It turned out that a certain salamander, she was sure was really a prince, and all she had to do was kiss him to make him hers.

So the alien wished her luck, and sadly went away again.

But when he came back, he found the sheep still on her own. No prince, and no salamander. What’s more, she seemed open to the idea of going out with the alien.

After the salamander had turned out to be a salamander, after all, she explained, and jumped away into a fire after she kissed him, she had met a funny furry creature with claws and a duck bill, and assumed he was a prince who had been turned into a strange beast. But after several months of getting to know one another, she realized he was actually just a platypus. She was done human hunting, she said. Maybe.

For a moment, the alien was filled with joy. But then he thought about how long it had taken them to get to that point, and how many other options the sheep had exhausted. Also, the fact that she couldn’t really, completely commit to giving up searching for a human husband was disconcerting.

So he went back home, and took some time for himself.

He settled into a very satisfying career as a ceramic bowl maker, and only thought of the little sheep and her strange fixations occasionally.

The End.

© Beatrix Cottonpants Original

Fortune followed the crunching tearing gnawing sounds until finally, the Terrible Monster appeared in his view. But when he saw the beast, Fortune stopped, surprised.

Because the monster looked, well, pleasant. Sort of like a large monkey with a nice round face and cute fuzzy ears. Certainly nicer than Stupid Fanny and her Stupid Face.

But then the monster roared and howled and banged its fists against the ground.

And then it spoke.

“Hi,” it said. “Would you like a biscuit?”

And just like that, Fortune collected three biscuits. He stayed the afternoon, drinking tea with the Terrible Monster and talking about the kingdom. As they spoke, the Monster mentioned the meercat on the boat, saying in passing that if he were to hand anyone the oar, that anyone would be stuck rowing the boat, and the meercat would be free to go.

Fortune thanked the Monster for his hospitality, and then went on his way. He stayed quiet on the boat, but once he was safe on the shore, he told the meercat the secret he had learned.

And then he went home, and found Fanny.

Now, at this point, Fortune was furious with Fanny. Maybe he’d gotten lucky with the Terrible Monster, but still, he had never been so inconvenienced in his life. And so, since Fortune was a liar as well as an arrogant jerk, he told Fanny that there was a great treasure at the foot of the mountain, and a meercat in a boat could help her find it. And so, since Fanny was greedy as well as unpleasant, she set out the very next day to find it.

By the following night, as expected, Fortune found Fanny steering the boat back and forth across the lake, looking very, very angry. She cursed at him until her voice got hoarse, and then Fortune left her there and went home.

For several days, Fortune was very happy, knowing that Fanny who had inconvenienced him so was ceaselessly rowing back and forth across the lake. He didn’t even miss her.

Well, not all the time, anyway.

But one morning, when he woke up facing an angry dwarf from inside a glass coffin, he began to suspect she might be back.

Later, he learned that she had figured out the trick, and handed the oar to a hapless delivery elf. Then she returned to wage the biggest prank war the kingdom had ever seen.

Now, sometime during that war, Fortune realized he didn’t want to live without Fanny, even if she was forever hiding spindles among his belongings or putting his picture on polar bear love match websites. And it occurred to Fanny that maybe she wouldn’t mind being married to Fortune after all.

And the rest of the kingdom rejoiced, because they couldn’t imagine anyone as horrible as Fortune or Fanny finding love anywhere else.

The End.

Source: The Devil and the Three Golden Hairs, Brothers Grimm