Once upon a time, there was a young man who had been tricked by a little man in a sailor’s cap into grabbing a goose made entirely out of syrup, and as a result had his food stolen away from him.
Now, Less,(short for “Less Attractive than his older brothers” ,Fair and Handsome) was feeling quite down about himself, because of the goose situation, and tired, when he arrived home with his hands stuck to this goose and with his two brothers dragging beside him. He was certain his mother would want to have words with him, and that most of them wouldn’t be nice.
So he was surprised at least to find his mother considering a poster at the dining room table, and even surprised that her face broke into a rather disturbing smile when she turned around and looked at him.
“There’s a grand prize,” she explained. “The king needs someone to make his daughter laugh. Three grown men stuck to a goose made out of syrup should do it!”
“What’s the prize?” Less asked. He imagined himself, briefly, marrying the princess and spending the rest of his life jet skiing across grassy plains and relaxing under an oversized umbrella as a storm raged around him.
“25 whole dollars!” she said, instead. “Can’t beat that!”
And so, even though he thought the whole thing was a little absurd, Less dragged the goose and his brothers to the castle, where the king sat in his throne, presiding over a long line of clowns and jugglers and stand up comedians. A young lady, presumably his daughter, sat next to him and yawned occasionally.
By the time Less got to the front of the room, he was so tired of waiting on line and so annoyed with his brothers, who kept waking up and demanding waffles, that he said the first thing that came out of his mouth, which, unfortunately, was,
“Don’t you have better things to do all day than parade people in front of your daughter?”
Luckily for him, the princess did in fact laugh, so hard she fell out of her throne. If that hadn’t happened, the king might very well have executed our poor hero right there.
But laugh she did, and the king had no choice but to hand over $25.
He took the money home, and put it aside. He and his mother worked at getting the goose, and his brothers, unattached to Less.
But soon, another flyer circulated, this one promising $50 dollars for anyone who could finish a gigantic loaf of bread.
At first, Less felt very put upon by his mother’s request for him to enter the contest again. But then, he had an idea.
On the day the contest was to begin, he wandered into the forest, until he spotted a little man wearing a hat made out of fruit. Once he knew for certain he had the little man’s attention, he began to sing a song about a gigantic loaf of bread, and how happy he would be to eat it all.
Just as he had planned, the little man followed him all the way to the castle, and then proceeded to trip him and beat him to the bread, which he ate without stopping to breathe, or even swallow, it seemed. When he had finished, the king awarded a $50 bill…to the little man, who promptly ate it.
Somehow, Less had not foreseen this turn of events, so he went home rather frustrated. And the next week, when his mother showed him a flier announcing a contest to see who could drink a basement full of fizzy blue soda, he outright refused.
Here’s what he did instead: he took the $25 dollars, bought a ring, and asked the princess to marry him. She said no, but he felt he had accomplished something in the asking, anyway.
The End.
Source: The Golden Goose
