computers Posts

The Angry Duckling

Once upon a time, a duck laid five eggs. Normally, this would not be an event of much significance. However, one egg was slightly larger than the others, and took slightly longer to hatch. The other ducks waited impatiently, complaining that their brother or their sister was very tardy indeed.

Finally, the egg hatched, and out came the ugliest duckling they’d ever seen. They’d seen admittedly few other ducklings, since they had after all just been born only minutes before, but this duckling was impressively ugly.

As they grew up and met other ducklings, their belief that their brother was in fact a very ugly duckling was confirmed, and they began to mock him, tease him, make up songs about his big head and squashed bill.

After a little while of this treatment, the ugly duckling decided he deserved better, and set off to make his fortune.

First, he moved in with some geese, who tolerated him as long as he promised not to make any moves on the lady geese.

Next, he tried his luck with wild ducks, figuring they would be more accepting of his physique. They were not.

Finally, he joined a farm where a cat and a hen seemed to be in charge of everyone else. Although life on the farm was comfortable, and the duckling enjoyed watching the humans who lived on it, the cat always seemed to be licking his lips, or researching good duck recipes, in his presence The duckling decided to keep his time there short.

So, before he left, he observed carefully, and learned how to use a computer. From that point on, the duckling, who had long resolved to make his own way in life, since everyone else just wanted to mock or maybe eat him, worked harder than ever.

He bought stock.

He learned how to program.

He worked all day and all night on new software, software he patented and then sold for millions of dollars.

He became a software mogul, with a corporate empire. He had thousands of employees, every last one an ugly duckling.

The End.

Source: The Ugly Duckling, Hans Christian Andersen.

The Killer Robot Wife

Once upon a time there was man who worked in a junkyard.  He was happy enough with his life and work, but still dreamed of one day making enough money to forget about the junkyard, or any other work, forever.

Now, most of the time he spent his days making sure piles of waste did not topple over each other or defusing potentially dangerous situations. One day, however, he came upon something he’d never seen before: a robot. A real robot, with dull red eyes and an antenna protruding from its head. The robot lay slumped against a pile of pizza boxes and used needles, with a panel on its back hanging open. The man shrugged, and kicked the panel back into place.

He was already walking away when he heard the beep. And the next beep. And the next, followed by a sound of gears shifting. He turned to see the robot standing just behind him, focusing its now bright red eyes. He barely managed to escape the lasers shot at him before running home. Being attacked by a killer robot, he reasoned, warranted a sick day.

When he went back to work the next morning, the robot was gone. But still, it had been such a shocking event that he thought about little else until something happened that made him forget all about it.

A woman came into his life. A beautiful woman, too, with pale skin and slick black hair. She asked him for a date, and soon, she’d moved into his home. He couldn’t have been happier about the whole thing.

Until, of course, she presented him with a gift, her specialty, she said: a supercomputer. It ran fast and processed multiple applications with no lag, and worked more intuitively than any computer he’d used, ever. He loved it almost as much as his new live in lady friend.

Until, of course, he saw an opportunity for things to get even better. His new supercomputer had attracted quite a lot of attention, and he found himself considering the offers of several people to sell the computer. Finally, he got an amazing offer: for a brand new better than anything ever before computer, a mysterious stranger would pay him enough to retire happily.

But, she said no. She said his computer was the only one she meant to make. She said making another, better, one would take too much out of her. But it was a great opportunity, and so he kept hounding her until she gave in, mentioning in an offhand passive aggressive sort of way that the effort might even kill her. Or him.

She made him promise one thing: that he wouldn’t try to watch her make the computer, no matter how long it took or how curious he got about it. He promised, and was content.

Until, of course, the project started to drag on. She was way off schedule, and seemed absentminded, forgetful, slow moving. He just wanted to see what was wrong, so he opened the door.

And sitting at the workbench was the robot. Her front panel was open, wires pouring from her chest into the half completed computer sitting in front of her. But when the robot saw him there, she closed the panel and faced him completely.

Her eyes began to glow red.

The End.

Source: The Crane Wife, Japanese folktale

Posted by Beatrix Cottonpants in Folktales and tagged with , , , , , , ,