children Posts

Fly Takes the Stand

Once upon a time, a wicked man went into the real estate business.

He had a fair amount of property, you see, which he would rent out to peasants in exchange for most of their crops. However, his true wickedness came from the fact that he made it a point to ask for the rent at most inconvenient of times, such as while his tenants were in the shower, or in the middle of the night. Once, he had even visited many homes during a snowstorm, asking for the rent.

It was just how he got his kicks.

One particularly hot day, he ventured to the house farthest from the trees, and demanded the rent. However, only the child who lived there was home, and it took some time, but the landlord finally had to accept that he wasn’t getting the rent from a little kid.

To make things worse, when he asked the boy where his parents were, he only replied, “My mother is catching the moon in the bathtub, and my father is riding a horse made of cheese.”

“What?” the landlord asked.

But the boy just kept playing his game.

Finally, curiosity got the better of the landlord, and he promised that he would forgive that month’s rent if only the boy would tell him what he really meant. But the boy wouldn’t do it, he said, he was so sure the landlord would lie and deny the conversation ever happened, just so he could collect the rent.

Luckily, just then, a fly happened by, and perched on a barrel next to the boy. The landlord suggested the fly would make an acceptable witness, and the boy readily agreed.

“My father is taking out the garbage. And my mother is out at the store.”

And when the landlord asked him to explain how those actions accounted for the boy’s earlier statements, he simply replied,

“Well, I made that up.”

So the landlord left in a tizzy, and demanded the rent later that night, when the boy’s parents were just getting into bed.

He was just congratulating himself on his handling of the family when his mail arrived. You see, the landlord had been subpoenaed. He was to appear in court the very next day, and defend his right to the family’s rent payment.

He went to bed just fine that night, confident he would win. After all, the only witness the boy could offer was a fly….

And so he went to court, and he was charming and sympathetic, and the boy looked rather foolish. Until…

“I call the fly to the stand”

The judge banged her gavel, and a giant fly wearing a suit walked into the room and took the stand. He described the conversation between the landlord and the boy, down to what the landlord was wearing that day, and how much rent was owed.

And so the landlord paid the family back, and was from then on very careful about who he made promises in front of.

The End.

Source: The Fly, Vietnamese folktale

The Banana Princess, Part Two

Once upon a time there was a handsome prince, the very same handsome prince who had traveled over the mountain in search of the famed Banana Princess, and had in fact won her hand in marriage.

However, after the wedding, he did not proclaim the news across the kingdom. Here’s why:

Although his father was a nice enough fellow, his mother was a shark. Literally, a shark. She lived in a tank outside their palace. The prince never fully understood how his father had come to marry a shark, (except that it had something to do with money and some suspect pictures), or, indeed, how their union had produced himself, the prince.

In any event, the Queen the shark was nearly always hungry, and the prince had noticed a gleam in her eyes whenever lovely young women or little children walked by. So he resolved to never let her know about his wife or the children they were sure to have.

Until, years later, when his father the King died in battle. Now in possession of the kingdom, the prince was blessed with an unfounded sense of security, and told everyone about his family. He was called into battle himself soon after, and arranged to have his Queen and their children (called, in a rather confusing way, Horse and Pony) moved into the palace so his mother could keep an eye on them from her tank.

The very day he left, Horse visited her grandmother in her tank. She ran around the edges for some time before tripping over a strategically placed bottle of ketchup and falling into the tank.

When she did not return that evening, Pony went out to look for her. When he could not find her outside, he crawled up the side of the tank to ask his grandmother if she had seen his sister. However, before he could even get the words out, he tripped over some lemon wedges and fell into the tank himself.

Now, the Queen the shark knew it would only be a matter of time before the children’s mother came looking for them. But she couldn’t wait. What had the two children been but an appetizer? She’d hardly had to chew either of them.

So she sent her favorite clerk into the palace, with orders to kill the new Queen and bring her to the tank. When he returned with a plate of cooked venison, she was almost fooled. Until she heard the new Queen’s great honking laugh from inside the palace. She demanded the Queen be brought before her, and almost immediately, it was so. The girl crawled up to the top of the tank ,precariously balanced next to the caramel she’d set aside for the occasion.

She took a step towards it and then…cartwheeled over the mess and onto the other side. The trap had been foiled! To make matters worse, she then flung her long hair into the tank, and lassoed the Queen’s body. Immediately, the shark felt herself retch and up came the two little children! They were dazed and smelled of ketchup, lemons, and fish, but otherwise looking quite well off.

When the King returned, he was rather sad to hear of the stomach troubles his mother was experiencing, as a result of having her snacks lassoed out of her, but did think she’d sort of brought it on herself.

The End.

Source: Sleeping Beauty, Charles Perrault

The Two Bears and Stuart

Once upon a time, a family of two nice bears lived in a house in the woods. It was quite a nice house, with bay windows and a foyer and well suited furniture, and the bears were quite pleased with it. They were pleased with their lives on the whole: they loved to drink tea and go for long walks, and they finally had a pet of their own: a lovely duck billed platypus named Stuart.

One day, they had taken Stuart on one of their lovely walks when something unusual happened. In an uncharacteristic bout of carelessness, the bears had left their front door unlocked, and an uninvited girl wandered in.

The girl had no idea that she was in a house that belonged to two bears. She only knew she was hungry and sort of sleepy.

So, first, she went to the refrigerator. In it, she found two servings of pot roast and mashed potatoes. She sampled the first, but it was too tough. She sampled the second, but it was too soft. On the bottom shelf, she found a casserole made of shrimp, crayfish, worms, and what appeared to be small frogs. She had a taste, and was surprised to find that it was exactly what she wanted.

She ate the whole dish.

Even more tired now, she walked into the living room, where two chairs sat in front of the hunter-skin rug. But the first was too high. The second sunk too low. Desperate for some rest, she sat down on the small cushion at the end of the rug, and found it just right.

Soon, though, the open mouthed face of the hunter staring at her began to make her uneasy, and she decided to move on. On her way out, though, she spotted the bedroom, and figured she could stay a few more minutes. She was still quite tired, after all.

But the first bed was too firm.

And the second too soft.

Finally, she climbed into the burrow carved into the side of the wall. Although at first she found it hard, she realized that with the cushion from the living room, it could be made into quite the excellent napping space. And curled up there, she did indeed fall asleep.

She woke later to the sound of growling, or maybe clucking. All she knew was that when she opened her eyes, something with a furry head and the bill of a duck.

“That’s Stuart’s bed,” someone said.

“And his cushion.” someone else said.

“And his food is gone. Did you eat our pet’s food?”

The girl looked from one bear to the another, and finally, to their duck billed platypus, Stuart.

She was very, very confused.

The End.

Source: The Three Bears, Fairy Tale.  First appeared in print by Robert Southey, 1837.