Once upon a time, a small alien spacecraft crash-landed in a field somewhere. There was only one alien inside, and he was very cross indeed when he got out and had a look at the damage, because spacecraft bumpers don’t come cheap anywhere, really, especially when they need to have cow dung cleaned off them.
However, all of this changed when he looked across the field and saw…the sheep of his dreams. Now, before this moment, he wasn’t really aware that he was attracted to sheep, or really even that sheep existed, for that matter. But as soon as he saw this particular sheep, he knew that nothing could stand in the way of their true love.
However, when he approached the lovely sheep and explained his feelings, she turned him down. She had other plans, she explained, involving the bear who was currently roaming the countryside off to the left. She knew the stories, she said, and she knew that once they were married he would come to bed and turn into a human as long as she didn’t tell anyone the secret.
The alien went away very sad, but some time later, he came back to seek out the little sheep. He was delighted to find her without the bear husband.
“He was really just a bear,” she explained. “Not a human. But I have another plan.”
It turned out that a certain salamander, she was sure was really a prince, and all she had to do was kiss him to make him hers.
So the alien wished her luck, and sadly went away again.
But when he came back, he found the sheep still on her own. No prince, and no salamander. What’s more, she seemed open to the idea of going out with the alien.
After the salamander had turned out to be a salamander, after all, she explained, and jumped away into a fire after she kissed him, she had met a funny furry creature with claws and a duck bill, and assumed he was a prince who had been turned into a strange beast. But after several months of getting to know one another, she realized he was actually just a platypus. She was done human hunting, she said. Maybe.
For a moment, the alien was filled with joy. But then he thought about how long it had taken them to get to that point, and how many other options the sheep had exhausted. Also, the fact that she couldn’t really, completely commit to giving up searching for a human husband was disconcerting.
So he went back home, and took some time for himself.
He settled into a very satisfying career as a ceramic bowl maker, and only thought of the little sheep and her strange fixations occasionally.
The End.
© Beatrix Cottonpants Original
