November 2009 Archive

Little Bo Peep Gets Her Sheep

Once upon a time, a group of sheep sneaked out into the dead of night.

They were dressed all in black, with black hats and ski masks, and flares and heavy artillery, lest they should be caught.

The sheep were sneaking out, determined to become their own sheep, rather than just members of the herd.

But they didn’t count on Little Bo Peep.

Little Bo Peep, Shepherdess Extraordinaire, had been contacted as soon as the sheep went missing. She showed up faster than humanly possible, armed with tasers, stun guns, black lights, and a sweater made of wool.

“They’ll understand,” was all she said, when asked about the sweater.

The sheep thought nothing of it when they encountered the sweater the first time. But the second time, a few fell back upon realizing they’d seen the sweater before, and that something must be afoot.

They immediately fell to the ground, twitching, and as the others watched in horror, a girl all in black stepped out to collect the fallen animals.

After that, they watched carefully for the sweater, taking twists and turns in their path, traveling in the daytime.

They let themselves go at night once, and sure enough, Little Bo Peep was in that sweater when they saw it. She scooped them up by their tails, and they woke up the next day cooped in the barn.

“Just doing my job,” she said as they awoke in horror, as if she’d been waiting for their eyes to open to say that very thing, and then she left.

The End.

Source: Little Bo Peep, Nursery Rhyme

Jack Be Crazy

Once upon a time, Jack jumped over a candlestick, and burned his foot.

He fell upon the floor, screaming and clutching his afflicted foot, much to the surprise of his family. You see, they knew something Jack clearly did not: the candlestick was not lit. There wasn’t even a candle in it, nor had there been for some time.

But Jack carried on, and his family resigned to take him to the doctor.

Although Jack claimed he’d burned his hand as well as his foot, the doctor could find no damage.

So they took him to the hospital, where Jack claimed he’d burned his hand, his foot, and his face, but none of the doctors could find anything wrong.

Finally, once Jack declared he was on fire, they took him to a psychiatrist, who instructed them to take him to the fire house.

It all seemed rather silly, but when one firefighter sprayed Jack down with the hose, he calmly stood up and announced that he was ready to go to bed.

The End

Source: Jack Be Nimble, Nursery Rhyme

The Creepy Guy in the Water

Once upon a time, a boy named Nancy took a walk home along a long dark stream.

Now, Nancy was known by friends and strangers alike as being sort of a creepy guy.  It wasn’t so much his tendency to hang around small children or unnecessarily mock animals. It was more the way he  lurked in the shadows, hunched over and with his hands in the pockets of his trench coat.

But Nancy just waved off people who told him this, and went about his creepy business.

Now, on the night Creepy Nancy ventured to walk down the long dark stream, he happened upon a group of vampires just on the other side of the stream. They seemed to be involved in whatever it was they were doing, but just in case, Nancy quickened his pace and tried not to look across the water.

But suddenly, he felt a presence near him, and out of the corner of his eye, an image. The creepiest guy he’d ever seen, hunched and shadowed.

And standing right next to him.

What happened next, Nancy had no control over. He jumped back and may have even screamed. As he collapsed on the ground, he looked up in terror, and found…nothing.

Except that stream, in which he could see, when he stood up again, his own reflection. His own, very creepy, reflection.

At some point, a few of the vampires stopped by to make sure Nancy was okay.

It was very embarrassing indeed.

The End.

Source: Narcissus, Greek Myth

For the person who lived this, but without, you know, the vampires.

The Pumpkin Ball

Once upon a time, a little girl teased her sister and got into trouble. She was sent to bed without dinner or cookies, and, even worse, she was forbidden to go to the Pumpkin Ball.

This news was very upsetting indeed. She’d gone to the Pumpkin Ball every year, and this time she even had a beautiful new orange dress to wear, which clearly would be wasted.

Luckily, she had, during an earlier punishment, sneaked a few cookies and pieces of candy into her room. At least she wouldn’t starve.

So she put on her orange dress anyway, and sulked a bit, and found a cookie. She was preparing to bite into it when…

a little bird appeared at the window. “Could I have that cookie, please?” the bird asked. “It’s just that I’m so hungry.”

Reluctantly, she handed over the cookie.

Next, she found a brownie, and was just about to take a bite when…

a squirrel hopped onto her windowsill.

“May I have that brownie?” he asked. “I like brownies more than anything!”

He looked so happy and helpful that she gave him the brownie.

Luckily, she still had a candy bar left. But just as she unwrapped it, a hippo stuck his head through the window.

He didn’t say anything, but he did lick his lips.

And he was very large, and not nearly as cute or friendly looking as picture books had suggested, so she handed over her candy.

Left with no candy or cookies, and still stuck at home, she gazed out of the window and sulked rather loudly.

“If only I could get outside,” she said. “But my mother is blocking my way out.”

“I can help,” a little voice said. At first. she had no idea where it had come from, but then she saw the bird out the window. “I can fly you down, it explained. “As a thank you for the cookie.” And so, the girl held on to the bird, and together they flew down to the ground. The bird was gasping for breath from the girl’s weight by the time they reached the ground, but they made it.

“Thank you bird!” she cried. “But I think I hear my mother coming! How will I get past her?”

“I can help you there.” a little voice said. At first, she couldn’t tell where they voice was coming from, but when she looked down, she saw the squirrel nibbling at her boot.

“I can distract her,” the squirrel offered. “As a thank you for the brownie.” And before she could even reply, the squirrel had raced off into the house. She could hear screams and the sounds of things breaking inside.

“But how will I even get to the Pumpkin Ball?” she wondered. “It’s too far to walk.”

This time, no little voice responded, but the hippo appeared as if out of nowhere, with traces of chocolate on his lips.

She hoped she was right in assuming his offer of help as she climbed on his back. More quickly than she would have thought possible, they raced away into the night.

The End. For Now…

© Beatrix Cottonpants Original