October 2009 Archive

Fear What?

Once upon a time, a young man left home and set off on a quest to learn what fear was.

You see, after years of watching horror movies, enduring less than sensitive pranks at the hands of his older brothers, and once even encountering a saber tooth tiger just outside his house, he could not remember ever feeling what he would describe as scared.

So he bade his sweetheart goodbye (for now) and he and Jim (the saber tooth tiger, who agreed to be his pet after the boy had failed to be impressed by his long sharp teeth) left early one morning.

They traveled for a long time before they met anyone, but just after nightfall they encountered a pale young man, and the boy offered to share his beans and hot dogs with him. The pale man agreed to sit by the fire with him and Jim, but declined to eat anything.

Later that night, however, the boy awoke to find his guest crouching over him, fangs bared and ready to bite.

“I’m very disappointed,” he said. But he was not afraid. He gathered his things, and he and Jim left.

They traveled through the night, but it was more difficult. Shadows kept passing over their vision, and creaks and groans seemed to echo. At one point, a great hairy beast leaped out in front of Jim, and stood up to his full height.

He was a werewolf, he explained, and hungry during the full moon. The boy explained that the moon was not full, and so he should be able to go on his way. He was not afraid.

Finally, as day broke, he and Jim found themselves walking past a graveyard, where, incidentally, the dead had begun to walk. Several were lurching right towards them, saying something that sounded suspiciously like “Rain.” He pulled out his umbrella and walked on. He was not afraid.

At this point, however, he did feel rather defeated. Declaring the entire thing a failure, he and Jim headed home. The first thing they did, of course, was visit his sweetheart. But there was a surprise awaiting them at her house.

During his absence, the vampire, the werewolf, and even one of the zombies had made their way to his village and were currently courting sweetheart. To make things worse, she wasn’t exactly resisting their advances. In fact, she was smiling.

Suddenly, the thought occurred to him that she might even prefer the vampire, the werewolf, or the zombie to him. What if she didn’t want to be his sweetheart anymore? Something he’d never felt before gripped him, and he went down on one knee before her and promised her all manner of extravagant things  if she would only remain his own sweetheart. She agreed, and it was only later, after he’d thoroughly taunted  his supernatural rivals, that he thought back to the moment he thought he might lose her, and realized he had finally learned the meaning of fear.

The End

Source: The Story of a Boy Who Went Forth to Learn Fear, Brothers Grimm

The New Mouse of the House

Once upon a time, a mouse decided it was finally time for his two sons to marry, and that they would find their brides in the traditional way: they would gnaw at the stem of a sunflower until it fell, and marry the girl the flower pointed to.

Now, the house the mice lived in had no mirrors or other reflective surfaces, and for good reason: the two sons had no idea they were mice. Long ago, their father had decided he would really rather be human, so they lived as humans, the boys would marry humans, and, hopefully, their children would be more human than mouse.

So the brothers went out and gnawed on their sunflowers until they fell. The older brother’s flower fell, luckily, just towards the house of the very girl he had been wooing. He immediately went over and spent a long time convincing her to be his bride.

The younger brother, however, found his flower pointing toward the woods, and he walked for a very long time before he found anyone at all. When he finally did, it was in a quiet little cabin under a lovely willow tree. She had a pleasant voice , and readily agreed to be his bride.

Also, she was a mouse.

He fretted about that a little on the way home, but reasoned that his dad was a mouse, and wouldn’t mind so much.

He was, of course, mistaken, and he was very worried indeed when he made his way back to the cabin. As a test, his father had instructed him to have his mouse weave a sample of the finest cloth ever for him.

He was even more worried when he explained the situation to his mouse, and she simply handed him a piece of cheese. It was a delicious piece of cheese, surely, but not at all what his father had requested.

So he did all he could of to do, and took his bride home, thinking to win his father over with her grace, beauty, and adorable whiskers.

But just as the pair were approaching the house, something surprising happened.

His father flew into such a rage that he physically attacked the little mouse, knocking her backwards into a pond. Without thinking, the son jumped into the water and swam after his bride. As he pulled her back to the shore, he got the greatest shock of his life: he was clearly a mouse, and not a man at all. Years of prejudice against mice  and identity issues finally made sense to him.

He left  his house, married the mouse, and they lived happily ever after.

The End

Source: The Mouse Bride, Finnish fairy tale

A Touch of Eggs

Once upon a time, a king called Midas was cross with his daughter.

You see, something everyone knew about Midas (at least, he thought everyone knew) was that he preferred his eggs, and thus his omelets, a little runny.

But when his daughter presented him with the omelet she had made, it had practically crispy edges.

Turned out his daughter preferred her omelets a little less runny.

So he threw the plate to the ground and stormed away, stomping about the palace, kicking and breaking things, and yelling at anyone who crossed his path.

Finally, the cook agreed to make him an omelet, just the way he liked it. While he cooked, he tried to talk some sense into the mad king.

“Everyone has different tastes, sir,” he tried. “I’m sure the princess meant no harm.”

The king was unimpressed.

“Different tastes are wrong!” he cried. “Only runny omelets are worth eating! I wish I could eat nothing but runny omelets! I wish everything I touched turned into runny omelets!”

Which was, of course, the sort of wish that should never be uttered aloud.

The next morning, King Midas woke up on a runny omelet, with his resting on what might have been the same, or an all together different runny omelet.

He gingerly climbed out of bed onto the floor, which practically melted beneath his feet. He tried to slip into his kingly robe, but it melted and fell to the floor in a delicious heap.

At first, it was sort of fun. But King Midas soon grew full, and was tired of the squelchy smelly mess his home was becoming.

Beyond the palace, things were normal, at least until the king swept through on his daily parade. Roads. houses, horses and cars turned into eggs and cheese and milk. Even a mountainside, which the king rested on without thinking, melted away into an avalanche.

The king went home, wishing he could ask his daughter what to do. He wished he hadn’t tried to wake her up that morning by shaking her shoulders.

But suddenly, he knew what he had to do. He slipped on shoes and gloves of egg and began to eat. He ate and ate until almost every trace of the avalanche, and probably some of his palace was gone, and finally he groaned and announced, “Enough! I have had enough runny omelet!”

All around him, trees and birds and dogs appeared. Houses returned. Midas rushed home and hugged his daughter. He made her a crispy omelet, and they never fought over breakfast again.

The End.

Source: King Midas, Greek Myth

Posted by Beatrix Cottonpants in Myths and tagged with , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The Bobcat and the Borgle

Once upon a time, a bobcat was trying to sleep.

He had tried counting sheep, but when he realized that all he could think about was eating the sheep, he got up for a snack.

Now, this bobcat did not keep the tidiest of dens, and although he tried to remember to keep his refrigerator closed, and his various throw pillows away from lamps, it didn’t always happen.

Which is how he ended up eating the borgle.

It crunched and went down smoothly, so he didn’t even notice anything was wrong until he woke up the next day with the worst stomach ache he had ever had. He tried to throw up, and to soothe his stomach with dry toast and tea, but nothing worked.

Finally, he opened his refrigerator and took a long look inside. What had he put there, he wondered, and what had simply crawled in when he was being untidy?

Eventually, he came across a singing borgle eater that must have crawled in. He ate it immediately, with a tall glass of milk to wash it down, and then he closed his refrigerator and went to bed.

And when he woke up, his stomach was better. Now he  just needed to do something about the singing…

The End.

© Beatrix Cottonpants Original